Another long day of my head down at work, but at least we had sunshine. I quit early to go to the builder’s showroom and pick out tile, flooring, fixtures, cabinet styles, etc. for the remodeling projects happening around her later this year.
Zoomed with Mom and then talked to her by myself afterward. In a nutshell, she’s bored, lonely, unhappy, and stressed. Having short-term memory loss doesn’t help because she can’t remember much about her days as they go by. She doesn’t remember doing any activities (limited though they are) or visiting with my sister (who’s been there almost every day) or pleasant interactions she’s had with others. All she can remember are the Before Times where she used to live: the activities, the communal meals, the visits, all of which shut down more than a year ago. She doesn’t remember telling us how bored, lonely, unhappy, and stressed she was at the old place during lockdown. She’s questioning whether this move was the right thing—despite that it is by pretty much every account; but she can’t see it that way. She has a host of other complaints, few of which are valid logically but all of which are quite valid as her memorable experience. Reasoning with her isn’t the right approach nor is reminding her that Covid lockdown is affecting everybody’s activities everywhere and even if she were back at the old place, she’d still be miserable. “I’m tired of putting in the effort to adapt,” she says. I totally get it, but it doesn’t make it easier for us to help her be happier. If she were anybody but my mother, I would be easier to be a witness to her pain. Makes me wonder how she ever emotionally endured being there for five kids when we all went through tremendously difficult times.